Forty years ago, we said, “I do.”
Some people took bets we wouldn’t make it a year, but we never doubted. Not because of us. Because of God.
In July, a #love your spouse challenge on Facebook and Instagram invited people to post a picture of their spouse every day for a week. That gave me pause to reflect on seven things I’ve learned in the forty years we’ve spent walking together.
1. **Be committed.** First to God and then to each other. Pray together. Listen to one another. When I need advice or encouragement, a shoulder to cry on or someone to celebrate with, Van is the person I turn to first.
2. **Spend time together.** In our busy lives, sometimes it seems we hardly see one another. When that happens, Van schedules “Face-Time.” No distractions. Sitting across from one another, sharing what’s going on. How we’re both doing. Challenges and triumphs. The nitty-gritty of everyday life and the hopes and dreams of tomorrow.
3. **Spend time with family.** Our daughter and grandchildren are precious gifts. Van and I work together to plan times with them. An afternoon of board games. Going to a band performance or a soccer game. We’ve been privileged to be able to take our family on vacations to Catalina Island and Mammoth for several years. Precious moments become precious memories and help build a long-lasting relationship.
4. **Have family traditions**, especially when they center around God. When our daughters were young, I taught Sunday School. During that hour, Van took Kim and Erin for donuts, and they talked about the lesson they’d learned and started memorizing the Bible verse of the week. Every Christmas, we celebrated Advent. My heart’s desire was to make Christ the focal point of Christmas while we also enjoyed the rest of the traditions of Christmas. My daughter and grandchildren still celebrate this meaningful tradition in their home while Van and I celebrate it in ours.
5. **Spend time with friends.** Van and I go to UCLA football games with friends. We celebrate New Year’s Eve with two other couples at a restaurant called New York Grill. Since we live in California, it means we get to ring in the new year at 9:00 instead of midnight, which this morning girl likes much better than a late night! We’re in a small group at our church and enjoy potlucks as well as serving our community together.
6. **Hold hands.** We belong together. Holding hands joins us. It reminds us of our commitment to one another. It symbolizes our teamwork. In joy and sorrow, cling together and trust God to work.
7. **Laugh together.** Have fun. Life is a gift. Find the joy and humor in your day.
Do you make spending time with your spouse a priority?
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As we begin to experience an “emptying” nest here, I see more than ever the truth of your words and am thankful for the investment we have made in our relationship over the years!
Enjoy the “empty” nest. There is joy in being together and finding the new things God has for you in this next chapter.
I love this, Debbie. thank you for sharing so much wisdom. Michael and I have been married just over forty-one years, and I always say the reason we’ve lasted (obviously, because of God) is that he puts up with me. No truer words were ever spoken. Certainly we are friends. And I think that goes a long way to the staying power of a good marriage. I’m thrilled that he finally retired so we can spend more time together. Here’s to marriage God’s way.
Thanks again for all your wonderful insights.
Love
Lynn
Friendship is important in maintaining the fun of our relationship. I am retiring at the end of this school year and looking forward to new adventures with Van.
Thank you Debbie. Marriage is so important to God. I’m grateful for your example to your family and community.
I am thankful God new the importance of marriage; it is a great gift.
You can’t possibly be old enough to have been married for forty years! It looks good on you!
Thanks, Patricia! But, yes, I’m definitely old enough! We got married during my senior year at UCLA. Our oldest daughter would be 39 and our youngest is 37-soon to be 38. My grandkids are 15, 13, and 12.