- Confession: Being able to trust people has been a struggle for me, and that includes a struggle to trust God.
In Dental Hygiene school the teachers taught about how infections responded to antibiotics. At the time, there were three major categories: Mycins such as Erythromycin, Cillins like Penicillin, and cyclines like tetracycline (of course there are more now) Not being the trusting kind, I asked to see the studies for those conclusions. (blush – it’s true).
Studying hard, and acquiring as much knowledge as possible, was important because I believed hard work and great knowledge keeps you from being hurt by, or dependent on others.
Helping others was something I enjoyed. I would do my best on their projects, hoping a friendship would develop. Perhaps I was giving what I did not have, with the hope that someone would love me enough, or at least appreciate my hard work enough, to have mutual friendship.
Rarely did it happen.
In my heart, I knew I could not trust God, not because He is not trustworthy, but because I did not know Him and His love on a personal relationship level.
The root of my distrust was formed by the life experiences from my past, and the view I had of myself. I did not believe anyone could love me enough, or be kind without a selfish motive. I didn’t trust anyone, because my life experiences taught me that people only do things for you, when they want something from you.
So, I held all things close to my chest, in tight white-knuckled fists, to keep them from being taken or broken. If anything needed to be done, I would do it myself, alone.
Love believes. Love trusts, because love stays close, and treasures others as much, if not more, than it does itself.
But believing you are loved comes from seeing the evidence, accepting in faith that the words of love are true, and observing a change that comes from your heart. That change will show in how you respond to others.
Love says, “you go first, and I’ll hold the door.”
Love says, “I can stop and help you.”
Love says, “I can let go of this so I can embrace you.”
When I first met Doc, I did not fully trust him. Though he told me time and again, that I could trust his words, I needed to see it.
Over time, I could see that his actions and his words were full of love. He was not going to leave or use me for his own gain. He would even stop what he was doing to help me. I had been doing this for him, but for him to serve me in this way…the love that it took to lay down his life in those moments…it was Christ in him. It was a display of love that made trust a joy to give.
Doc’s words were true. His actions met his words. And my heart began to open its fists which still clutched to things I wanted to heal. And because of the Love of Christ through Doc, I have learned to trust him. And I’ve actually learned to trust Christ even more, too.
Trust is not faith. Faith is a gift from God to accept the things in his Word though, the whispering of the Holy Spirit in our heart.
Trust, is not throwing caution to the wind,either, but trust means you can maturely discuss an issue with someone, and because you know you are loved, you can trust they will give you the best result possible.
Because I trust God to work through my husband, I have become a more peaceful woman. I know God has created my husband to love learning. And I trust my husband to listen to what I have discovered, research as much as he can, and work through it with me to find a right answer to bless us both!
There was a time this weekend when I was very upset and stressed over a relationship. I was not able to communicate with the person without sparks flying. I told Doc how I felt about it and my thoughts about what could bring healing. He listened patiently. He pushed back a little, just to make sure my argument could hold its ground (and because I woke him at 3am to talk about it!)
The next day he went to the person and with love for both of us, was able to mend hearts torn by disappointments and fear. Hearts needing love so they could trust each other again.
When he came home, he told me he had handled it and thought it would be better from this point on. He was like an antibiotic attacking the infection of distrust with a healthy dose of love.
I thanked him with kisses and hugs and food on the table. Asking him to recount the conversation word for word was not necessary, I had peace. Neither I did need to know what the other person said. I trusted Doc had done well. I trusted because I had given it to God, who loves me, to help Doc find the right words. I trusted because I knew Doc had my best interest at heart, as well as the other person’s. I was able to trust because I know I am loved. – first by God and then by Doc.
Do I trust everyone? Was I born yesterday? Of course not. But I know who I can trust, because I know who loves me well. And over time, God has brought many precious friends into my life. Those who give as much effort to a friendship as I do.
Trust is still a journey that continues to mature me. I do not fully trust in my own ability to accomplish any more. That would be like trying to walk across a broken pier on only the posts sticking out of the water. Failure is assured.
I trust in God and those He has brought around me.
For the first time in my life, I can say to God as Job did, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.” Job 13:15
And I can say to Doc, I am devoted to you in love. I honor you above myself. I trust you and Christ in you. (Adapted from Romans 12:10)
Do you struggle with trust? What gives you the peace to trust?
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