“The greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection.”
–Henri Nouwen
This weekend I attended the Allume Conference for the third year. So many of us squeezing as many as we could into small hotel rooms to make room so other Allume sisters could have a room as well. We loved on the moms with their children in their arms, and applauded those who shared their accomplishments, and loved well those who were standing in front of us. We allowed God to make divine introductions with those with well-known names we admire and those whose names had never crossed our lips before. This is one of my favorite conferences to attend!
But there were times, maybe because of exhaustion or perhaps overload, that a rude comment was spoken, or perhaps when we were talking, we were tuned out and not heard. Then, our inner voice that beats us up in the middle of the night has an after-party inside our head.
You might not see the boxing gloves of your inner voice, but you probably have felt and heard it’s boxing jabs coming at you. We all wrestle with the inner voice that tells us we don’t measure up. It will tell you of other women more talented or beautiful than you. It might remind you of past hurts from others, actions taken or regretful choices made. Words spoken by an inner voice can be hard-leather gloves to the sandbag of your soul, pounding away at your state of mind and confidence.
A comedian, observing Mohammed Ali’s charity boxing match commented that Ali’s opponent should have no fear, because, during warm up, Ali was seen pounding his leather boxing gloves against his head. “He’s beating him-SELF up!”
It is easy to allow our self-talk to beat us up. We are the sum of all our experiences, the memories beloved and the memories we bury, because we are created to encounter experiences and respond. Those experiences have voices to warn us, teach us, and inspire us to push forward, or tether us in place with fear of rejection.
But, what if we encountered those voices, not with our own voice, but with the words our Father tells us about who we are and the truth about words in the world around us. What if we listened to Words of hope, of encouragement, of Truth and of Wisdom? What would happen if we choose the words we hear, instead of allowing them to choose us and fall victim to their pounding?
Your body will respond with the corresponding action and emotion to the words we hear. So speak life. (Tweet this)
If you hear, “No one likes you.” You may withdraw from people and feel insecure.
If you hear, “You are a failure.” You may procrastinate and feel fear when trying something new.
If you hear, “You are not attractive.” You may cover yourself in clothes to hide and emotionally eat to hide and comfort yourself.
Whether they are words spoken by others, or an echo from days long past, or our self-loathing or loving, our body will respond with an emotions and our actions move in ways that are connected with those thoughts and words.
“Each day holds a surprise. But only if we expect it can we see, hear, or feel it when it comes to us. Let’s not be afraid to receive each day’s surprise, whether it comes to us as sorrow or as joy, it will open a new place in our hearts, a place where we can welcome new friends and celebrate more fully our shared humanity.”
–Henri Nouwen
I left Allume early Sunday morning, driving with great anticipation to see Doc for dinner. Arriving a few minutes before him, I paused to breathe and gather my thoughts about the weekend, and try to make sense of some things that hurt me, and not allow them to take the forefront of my mind.
Reaching into my Mary Poppins bag, I pull out a gift yet unopened, from my sweet friend, Bonnie.
It was an ornament – golden eggs in a nest of silver. And I allowed my Father to begin to speak life into this travel weary mind.
“For eggs to be useful they must be broken. For new life to break forth, the shell, which keeps them confined and keeps them safe, also keeps them from growing and living out their purpose. Eggs must be broken to give life. I will allow you to feel hurt and sorrow only enough to crack the shell and set you free.”
For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
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This is so good Diane. I’m sure there isn’t a woman that can’t relate to these emotions and the brutal self talk. You are such a kind, generous, loving friend for whom I am deeply grateful. xxx
Shelly, I think you are right. We all fight the inner words. I loved being with you this weekend and praying for your future adventures.
Well said, Diane… I fight the words in my head every day… when I lay beaten to the ground, I crawl to the Father.. through His Word and His Spirit, he refreshes me… Thanking Him for Hos loving kindness and for placing Sisters in our lives…
Yes, Janet. It is only with God’s Word can we be victorious!
I struggle with this so often. I beat myself up to the point where I figure why bother. Learning to speak hope and life over myself has been a life long journey. What a beautiful gift you’ve been given.
Barbie, I think the inner voice is the enemy’s greatest weapon used against us. But, greater is He (the Word) who is in us than he who is in the world ( trying to get in). I am praying for you sister. Hold on!
Praying that you vintage the grace He stored away for you from your weekend. Why is it sometimes sometimes it’s like playing hide and seek to find the treasures he gave us! I always manage to beat myself up harder than others, do, too – and am learning to stop! Wishing you blessing as you settle back into the daily!
I have actually been heard to say, out loud, “Be quiet, I’m not listening!”
Sometimes, you just gotta say, “enough!”
What a lovely gift and note of encouragement from Bonnie! I had a very discouraging experience at a writer’s conference I went to last year. I kind of decided to not go again…was I ever surprised to get asked to speak at a workshop at the same conference next year!
Oh Elizabeth! What a God moment for you! Congratulations on the speaking event and for seeing God in your pain! Thank you for sharing!
WOW! This is so beautiful and I doubt that there is a woman alive that hasn’t experienced some type of negative self-talk. You are such a beautiful soul and friend…I love you so much!
Love you too, Mary. Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement. I missed you begin there. Next year!
A rude comment, being excluded, not being heard, being ignored … all these are such hard things.
Not just for the moment, but for the moments in the distant past that come back to haunt us.
It’s like revisiting junior high all over again.
I’m resonating with what you wrote, Diane. I hear you well …
Linda, Thank you for your words of encouragement. You have a gift in loving with words, and I treasure you being here.
That Bonnie is a keeper. 🙂
Truth!, Lyli, and so are you!
Diane,
What a gift you are to me and to so many sister! Your encouragement and your wisdom! There isn’t a soul in the world I don’t think that hasn’t felt what you described and I love your openness to invite us all into that part you felt and to expose and speak life into the places we have felt it too. Grateful for you and that you are such a gorgeous piece of this Allume community! heaps of blessing on you friend!
Logan, thank you for all of your hard work to create a place for us to love each other in real life. You, friend, are a treasure!
Maybe next year I’ll make it to Allume :). Thank you for sharing your experience and your insight into how we needlessly beat ourselves up by listening to the lies of the deceiver instead of listening to the truth of the one who loves us. May we always remember to filter our words and actions through the one who loves us–our words and actions towards others AND towards ourselves.
Amen, Anita! I hope we will see you there next year!
D, this is amazing. Honest. Resonating. With the power to break chains and set captive hearts free. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share.
When I met you I knew God was giving me to you – it was a funny feeling, because usually I pull younger women in to encourage their sweet hearts. After visiting you here and reading this post I know why I sensed the lover of my soul tell me I was for you. You are lovely and safe and a champion for other women.
And if I were Satan, by the way, I would try to take you out of commission with lies. I’d send them heavy and hard against you mind, to make you weak and ineffective. Just saying.
Thank you for combating the lies with truth and persevering for the sake of your sisters.
Sincerely,
Wen
Wendy, I was so great to meet you at Allume! I look forward to getting to know you more! No doubt we have been friends waiting to meet each other.
All of us who encourage women are have enemies. Let us rally together to be a strong army of those who love well with the King of Kings.
Oh! Such beautiful encouragment! I’m a recovering self-destructor. I have believed the things people say, but most harmful the things the enemy placed in my head. The transforming & renewing of my mind is a long slow process, but with God, I’m starting to appreciate Him for making me the way He did. He is so gracious! Dwelling in that knowledge is a beautiful thing. Thank you for these beautiful words, Diane!
Kaylene, I agree the renewing of the mind takes time. and then continuing in a mind set on Christ takes strength that can only come through Christ in us! Thank you for your comment!