For those of you women of the same vintage as I, you probably recall enjoying the madcap mishaps of Americaβs favorite dingbat, Edith Bunker, on the popular seventiesβ sitcom All in the Family. One episode explored Edithβs not-so-fun meandering into menopause. In the end, her husband, Archie, just as exasperated as she by her mid-life metamorphosis, waved his hands wildly over her and demanded with utter abracadabra immediacy, βOkay, Edith, so change already!!β And as far as he was concerned, that was that!
Except that it wasnβt β¦
Ask my husband Michael. While he could have naively (and wrongly) presumed that my little changes in mood, memory, and metabolism would have been just a blip on my hormonal calendar, he decided to settle in for the long haul and consider this a new phase of marital adventure. Since he never knows whatβs coming next, he has maintained a sense of humor and a βthis will be funβ (to see what sheβll do next) kind of attitude.
Take the time I locked the key in my car in the library parking lot on a sweltering day. Mike immediately left work and rushed to my rescue, only to hear me sheepishly apologize when I held up the spare key that had been hiding in my purse all along.
Michael and I encountered another parking-lot incident, and this time he rescued me over the phone. After a concert at our symphony hall, my mother and I dashed to the car on the parking lot, eager to leave because my daughter, Sheridanβs, school was soon to let out. Suddenly I realized I needed an alternate driving route to avoid the traffic snarl entangling around the hall and to circumvent a highway shut-down nearby. The only alternate routes I knew wound through unsafe areas.
Luckily, Mother was able to reach Mike by cellphone at his work, and served as my relay, freeing me to drive. As I slowly serpentined my car through the crowded parking lot, Michael and I conversed via my mother, who repeated each of our lines to the other.
βBut Mike, I donβt want to drive on Grand. The traffic line is endless. Mother and I will be late in getting Sheridan.β
βOkay,β he said. βGo to Spring, then turn south.β
βWhich way is south? Is that right or left?β
βSouth. I donβt do right and left. I use cardinal directions. Go south.β
βMichael, but I donβt do north and south! Which way is south?β
βSOUTH!!β
βMike!! Right or left?!β
βOkay, okay. So go β¦ er β¦ um β¦ turn left.β
βLeft?β
βThatβs right. Left.β
βWHICH way?β
βLEFT! Left on Spring!β
This ridiculous, dizzying dialogue ping-ponged back and forth (from me to Mother to Michael to Mother to me!) for some time, as I tried to visualize a roadmap so I could remember my navigatorβs directions. My mentalpause confusion worsened by the moment. But things came into sudden vivid relief when I heard his smart-aleck coworker yell in the background: βHey, Mike, didnβt you get her a GPS for Christmas?β
Oops. Oh yeah. My GPS. βSorry, Michael, I forgot to plug it in.β
Before I could hear his response, mercifully, Mother lost the connection.
βMother!β I lamented. βCan you believe that he put me on speaker phone? Iβve just become the star of another Lynni-Lucy vignette. He loves telling them. I. am. mortified! He keeps exposing me as some screwball scatterbrain.β
That said, the truth is that I have no trouble in supplying him with far-fetched story fodder.
But my biggest mentalpause mishap was yet to come. One night I was up burning the midnight oil typing, racing to meet a writing deadline. When I heard Michael padding down the hall. I felt guilty about waking him. Sensing his presence, I looked up and saw him standing, a little dazed, in the doorway to my study.
βLynni,β he said. βDo you know itβs after midnight?β
βOh, Iβm sorry, baby. Iβll come to bed soon, but I have to finish or Iβll miss this deadline.β
βAnd, Lynni, do you know that the lights are on?β
βOh, Michael, Iβm so sorry. I should have shut the door. I apologize that the light woke you.β
βAnd, Lynni, do you know that you are sitting there typing without your top on?β
βWell, yes, dear, of course I know. I had another one of those horrible hot-flashes, so I just ripped it off. Honestly! What difference does it make? Please, baby, let me get back to work. Iβm so sleepy.β
βAnd, Lynni, do you further know that the blinds are up in your window?β
Considering that the window to my study faces the street, with this question, I crumbled helplessly into a heap, exposed once more, slid down the back of my chair, and crawled out of my room and on to bed.
To this day, this infamous incident is known in our family as the night that Lynni hot-flashed the neighbors. My only comfort is that they were all asleep.
And on and on it goes, one mentalpause mishap after anotherβenough to give a woman pause or to send her running (though if sheβs overheated, maybe not for cover)! Still maybe β¦ just maybe, if youβre mentalpause mishapping yourself, you really can pause, take a deep breath, and do what my husband does: Keep your God-given sense of humor. Take your mishaps in stride. Focus on your true GPSβyour God Positioning Systemβnavigating by Jesus, your true-north Morning Star, and expose your heart to Him through heartfelt prayer and praise. He is always there to listen, to encourage, and to guide you safely home.
Lynn D. Morrissey
Latest posts by Lynn D. Morrissey (see all)
- Taking Wing – Letting Go and Release - May 23, 2017
- Living Sidetracked or On-Purpose - January 24, 2017
- The Mishaps of (Meno) Mentalpause - September 20, 2016
Oh thank you for your honesty. My husband has actually wondered if I was getting Alzheimer’s I’m so scatterbrained.
Debi, you are fine. I’ve found that if I can keep a sense of humor about this, and make my husband think we are having a joint adventure, it just adds to a sense of fun. I think there are various kinds of scatteredness, and it sounds as if for you it is just a season. One thing that has helped me in any season of life is journaling. Actually, it’s my passion and a wonderful way to meet with the Lord. If you don’t already do this, I would encourage you to try. Journaling is marvelously focusing and clarifying, and a beautiful way to see your relationship with the Lord unfold, quite literally on the page. So lovely of you to stop by, Debi. Thank you so much for your comments.
Love
Lynn
Oh, Lynn, I loved this! I love how Michael has kept his sense of humor! Such a blessing! Thanks for this wonderful post!
Thanks so much, dearest Ellen. I wondered if I would have the nerve to post this, but Diane asked for a little humor, and I’m glad you found it in this piece. Certainly Michael has a good humor, himself, and he always makes me laugh. Of course, in this case, he has had to learn to laugh with me. As we all “sage” I think humor is one of God’s greatest gifts to us. Thank you for your lovely words here and for stopping by. I’m so grateful.
Love
Lynn
Alternately smiling and wincing with you here. Sigh. So many people depend on us in these years of mental-pause, and there just doesn’t seem to be enough gray matter to go around, does there?
Thank you so much Michele for taking time to read and comment! I’m grateful. Actually, I’m trying to do more smiling than wincing these days, unless it’s wincing about my sins, which sadly, still plague me. In women’s circle we were saying how the older we get, the more aware of our sin we become. Hopefully, part of that is that we are more in awe of God’s holiness. How grateful I am to God for His mercy and grace, which morphs wincing to wonderment, at how He could possibly love me, and for grace to see the humorous side of life. Mike has taught me that, too–there is always something to smile about. π Thank you again so much for reading and commenting, Michele!
Love
Lynn
This post made my day!
Ha, Elizabeth. Thank you! And I’m glad I lived to tell about it! π Actually, I wrote about this story in our family newsletter, and one day, I had a very serious call from our next-door neighbor, who happened to ask me if I recalled one night when I was up late at night typing. He said he had come home late from a gig and happened to notice the light on in my window from the street . . . and you can only imagine my utter humiliation. Boy, that brat! He really had me going for awhile–all in good humor. He’d read our newsletter and was putting me on! π Ha! You gotta keep laughing. Thanks again, Elizabeth. Write with our curtains closed.
Love
Lynn
I don’t feel so alone as I navigate this not-fun part of life!
Thankful for understanding patient husbands!
That’s it, Jerralea. We all need each other, don’t we, for all of life’s passages. God is so good to send us companions, and for you and me, I’m so glad He has given us understanding husbands. How special that you have this relationship with yours!! Thank you so much for reading!
Love
Lynn
Love your story style here… fun piece of writing, Lynn! π
Thank you, so much, Pam. It was really fun to write, and a bit exasperating to live when I was trying to figure out how to get Sheridan on time. And well, we just won’t mention what the big reveal was!! π So glad you could read and smile.
Love
Lynni
Too funny! Especially since I’m living this one first hand through my wife! It’s wonderful advice for all of us regardless of the subject. Be centered on Christ and keep that sense of humor.
I almost feel bad for knowing that I’m going to use these personal stories for a chuckle!
I’ve very glad that now you know the other side of this, Floyd. Your wife is a doll, and I know you will be wonderful when she goes through some of what can seem pretty ridiculous at times. Never feel badly about humor. It’s God’s gift to us for survival. you gotta keep laughing! Mike helps me laugh (and at myself!) everyday. I can get entirely too serious! And thanks for understanding my spiritual point. I think there is a spiritual point to everything we do or don’t do! Always appreciate you, Floyd!
Love
Lynni
Lynn-
That was GREAT!!! I was cracking up!!! I am not going through menopause (yet) but my sister is and it SO REMINDED me of her. The funny thing is I have A.D.D. so a lot of it reminded me of things I would do anyhow! My poor husband when I do go through it! Great job Lynn!
Ha, Holley. ADD. I’m not laughing *at* you, but just recognizing this in me. Maybe it’s what I have actually had all along and blamed on mentalpause! But no, seriously those hot-flashes are unique to this time of life. I have slept quite literally through a minor earthquake, a touch-down tornado, and childbirth; but it’s been those ridiculous hotflashes that have awakened me from sound sleep–seriously! I’m so glad you found the intended humor in my piece. Your turn is coming (I gleefully tell my daughter that! :-), but if you can face it w/ joy in the Lord and a sense of humor, you will do just fine. Thanks so much for taking time to visit, read, and comment. I’m very grateful.
Love
Lynn
Lynn, thank you for the laugh! I can so relate. I have locked my keys in my car more than once, with the engine running! These mishaps always seem to happen when my husband is out of town and he can’t rescue me. My husband gave me a GPS for Christmas right after he heard about them because I have no sense of direction, let alone which way is north and south. He worries about me driving in strange cities so whenever he can, he offers to drive me. The sad thing is I was like this before menopause so now things are even worse!
Mei, you totally made me smile in recognition with your darling comments. Yeah, mentalpause or not, directions have always challenged me. Michael will often drive me distances, but even for across-town events, sometimes I will implore him to take a dry run with me the night before! π Why can’t men just get right and left?! When he starts north-ing and south-ing me, I simply tune out. My former secretary’s husband used to say, “Just orient yourself to the river, and you’ll be fine.” (We live in St. Louis, where the mighty Mississippi runs along its borders). But she would always say, “But I can’t SEE
the river!!! Bingo! I totally got what she was saying. mei, I think that you and I will just need to keep tuning in to our Divine GPS. We can’t go wrong that way! Love you, lady, and thank you for dropping b y and commenting.
Love
Lynn
The secret is out! I love that you can laugh at yourself and keep us guessing. Yes ..we are guessing right along with Michael and Sheridan! It is good to know that such a polished writer is utterly human. Love you Lynn I! Still laughing!
Oh Kelly, you are so cute and dear. Thank you for these darling words, and for the compliment. I’m humbled. And you better than anyone should know about those clay feet upon which I teeter and totter through life! And what I love about you is how you bare your soul at every turn, and yet always have such overflowing joy. You are such a precious soul, and I love you. And talk about polished writers! Oh my! Love all you write, say, and live.
Love
Lynni
I love this, Lynn. And totally agree with you about having a sense of humor. Learning to laugh at ourselves is incredibly freeing.
Patricia! Thank you so much. You totally get this. Yes, yes, it is freeing. As we “sage” (as I am loving calling it), what we must never lose is a sense of humor–and a bit of self-deprecating humor at that. I will say though it really helps to have a husband who makes me laugh every day. I can actually be really serious, but he just won’t let me. π Thank you so much for taking the time to read. That means a lot.
Love
Lynn