My children are twenty-something and thirty-something years of age.  Doc’s children are in their early twenties. Both sets were about the same age when their parents divorced.

No matter how old a child is, they always long for their family of origin to be one.  This is where my maturity has grown, by the grace of God, prayer and love for the children.  Lately I have been able to give all of the children time with both of their parents in the same room –talking and laughing.

MED Cyndy Di

In the past few years, we have had times of getting together with the former spouses and their families.  At first it made my children a nervous wreck to have both parents in the room.  They were concerned that it would be world war three.

What they did not realize is that I had met with my former husband and run the idea past him for us to call a truce, agree that we would never agree, and enjoy our children and grandchildren together.

With Doc’s children, well, it has been difficult for me, and a learning curve; but, from the beginning, we have been around each other, supporting the children in their activities, and inviting all out to eat for birthdays, graduations or whatever the special event.

Choosing to grow up and get past the Junior High, competitive, Just-the-way-girls-can-be mentality, is the first step.

If you consider the former spouse an enemy, then read how to be at peace with your enemies from God’s Word.

Here are some good ones:

Romans 12:17-19 Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

Matthew 5:44-46 “But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. “For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same?

Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Ephesians 4:15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him, who is the head, even Christ,

Proverbs 16:7 When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.

Maybe begin in a public place, but consider inviting your former spouse to have dinner with your family after an event the child has participated in.  Maybe you could pay for everyone – wow what a concept, what a gift.  Most people are on their best behavior when there is an audience.  This Christmas would you consider, you and your spouse, giving the gift of peace to your child, and allow their original family and stepfamily to gather together?


A Holy ExperiencePhotobucket

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Diane W. Bailey is the founder of The Consilium – an online community of wisdom and purpose for women over 45 years of age. She is a published author. Her books include String of Pearls – From Tears to Treasure, and 30 Days To A Better Stepfamily. She creates her own line of precious metals bracelets. Diane lives in the Deep South with her husband Doc. Together they have created a stepfamily, each having two stepchildren and two birth children, and share three grandchildren, one black lab named Charlie and one long haired tabby cat named Lil Girl. Diane’s passion is to encourage women to be all God has created them to be by pressing past fear and daring to live life as an adventure. Some of her life adventures include traveling to Israel, speaking, entrepreneurship and backyard farming with Doc. She loves Gumbo, fried shrimp and seeing all sunsets across water.

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